Mourning

  “Grief is the price we pay for love .”

By far the two hardest emotions to digest as a living being is - Grief and regret . All though it is a well known fact that grief has its roots in love , it still remains hard to conquer and even harder to understand . These are  times where you find yourself tossing on the inside like a tiny boat caught in midst of an ocean storm  -Damage is brutal for sure . Are they all listening? Yes for sure yet seemingly eager enough for your sobbing story to end , waiting to throw around a 2 word ,five lettered saying which is easier said than  done - Move on . 

Human race is quite well aware and open about dealing with a loss of life and moreover the familiarity of this concept makes it a bit smoother process . Why so ? we ask ! Only Because - they who talk of it , most probably know of it , very much likely even experienced it and hence enough worthy knowledge and guidance available around to make the topsy turvy ride set in motion . 

But let me ask you something ? How do you mourn somebody who is so much alive , breathing , existing , living , expressing , growing- but just not with you , around you ; to sum it up the once “ we ” is now changed and left to “ just me ” . Did I succeed in explaining you as in where I am going with this talk ? Or did am still beating around the bush? Or oh ! Wait did I just sent you back to memories you never planned on revisiting any day ? Whoops my sincere  apologies . 

It is one of the most blissful experiences in life to get as close to somebody as that you are all most merging , there are boundaries for the world but with that one it is just all blurry. The process is mutually thrilling and rewarding but why does the same process when experienced in reverse - which is absolutely as good as crucifying a soul : disorienting and distressing- always taken so lightly? 

The large scale mental revision of going from “ we ”to “me”is confusing , draining , difficult  and of course the the disruption in circadian rhythm is real after all doesn’t matter even if without a loss of human life but  somebody still lost an alarm clock , pacemaker and a security blanket .( all it once you see … !) 

The lapse remembering the split when  hits  barely lasts for two to three seconds but each time the reality hits it is known to switch any living body capable to experience emotions from a cozy contentment to a cold sickening shock all over again . 

Aren’t this range of subtler effects : reshuffling of identify , throwing off our internal biological rhythms, forcing us to revamp future assumptions , physical agitation , disrupted sleep , irregular appetite , physical disorganization etc etc enough to convince us that it is all real ? The loss ? 

And that the The damage deserves lot more than -

             “ Let it go ”

            “ Get over it ”

             “ Move on ”

You tell me .Doesn’t it ? 

- Prachi K/ C Patel 

@prachipatell